


Fuck! BOOM! Auch.

by Hikarain



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, ow boombox
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 07:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11180166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hikarain/pseuds/Hikarain
Summary: Soulmate AU in which a tattoo on your right hand shows you the first sentence your soulmate will tell you upon meeting you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ten chapters of... probably too much Junkrat’s point of view... you are warned for the stream of thoughts, now enjoy.

 Soon after you are born, on the palm of your right hand a text will appear, a tattoo if you want to call it that way. That will be the first sentence your soulmate will tell you upon meeting you. We grow up with our ears open, our hand close to our chest and our disposition towards meeting new people great.  
 What do I have written on mine? _Fuck! BOOM! Auch._  
At least it’s not “ _hello_ ”. That’s what everyone tells me. That’s what I tell myself each day. I was about to turn twenty and still no sign of my soulmate: usually you would have met them already, but no luck for me. My family told me they could be from another country and suggested me to travel the world. Travel the world to find my soulmate? That’s a really cheesy plan. That’s exactly what I did though; packed my stuff, braced myself and took off, a plane at dawn. Where to start was my question, the world was wide, the countries over hundreds, there was no way I could visit every single place on earth… If we really were soulmates though, we would have found each other.

 That was about six years ago. Now I am just chilling under the warm sun of a random city in Australia. A glass of iced tea in my hand, sipping quietly as I stare at the waves from behind my sunglasses. I grew used to this life, the wanderer’s. By travelling I actually found out that many people where just like me, walking around the globe to meet finally their destined love. I reached the point where I really didn’t care anymore. It would be cool to meet them, but travelling like this is enough. I never overstay my welcome in the same place, I never come back twice, in six years I’ve kept track of all the towns and suburbs my feet have walked in. But it was a cool life nonetheless, each day was different, each problem I overcame helped me grow up. Sometimes I missed home, but I was doing just fine.  
 I get up from my seat and head for the town, my backpack on my shoulders. I try to start a conversation with all those I can, well… not everyone: at least this sentence, this stupid “ _Fuck! BOOM! Auch._ ” gives me a tip on the situation I’ll meet them in. Not a good one, but better than none. So I look for people next to explosive materials, construction sites or anywhere where explosions can take place on a daily basis. Still my eyes stop on each face I met, my mind wandering free as I imagined what it would be like if it was them, that beautiful girl with the brown curly locks, or that thin man with the brightest smile… None of them answered though. Hell I thought I had it once! A woman fell form the stairs at the station and I helped her up and she said _“Fuck!”_ … I was hoping… but it was just the beginning of _“I can’t be late for work again.”_  
I finish sipping on my tea and throw the glass in the rubbish bin as I walk past it, a blind shot to make it look cool. It makes a weirdly loud noise for being made out of plastic, it’s the sound of… metal… against concrete. That is definitely not the glass I was drinking from, I still have it in my hand.   
  “I curse the moment I thought this would look cool…”  
My phone, that’s my phone. It fell to his death, face-first on the rough concrete. I wipe a single tear as I pick up the… the scraps. Maybe I am too absent-minded lately… ever since I stopped caring I just, well, I stopped caring. However, this is the only phone I have and I have no money to repair it, let alone buy a new one. I put my sunglasses on top of my head to check better on the damage. There are a lot of cracks on the screen, the buttons don’t work, the cover doesn’t come off because of some shards stuck in it. Dead.  
I put it in my backpack, I have to find a way to tell my family I broke my phone. Maybe I won’t tell them about how I literally threw it on the ground.  
 My stares move from the faces to the many cellphones I see around me. They are so shiny in their brand-new covers, so technologically advanced. Wait. That one is a wreck. The owner looks just as shaggy. Something about him whets me though. The first thing I notice about him, apart from his phone, is his prosthetic arm and leg, they are a bright orange. Next is his right arm, he has a tattoo, a badass-looking one, one a member of a biker gang would have. He is wearing a black tank top, camo shorts and orange sneakers. I then move to his face and I get lost in the ridiculous amount of freckles on his cheeks and nose. I’ve always liked birthmarks, they make you special and unique, that’s what I usually tell the kids in my neighborhood when they complain about their marks being exposed. His face is drawn in sharp lines, a long nose and pointy chin. His hair is licked back but still messy, bleached blond. His posture… a bit hunched if you were to ask me, but at least as I walk past him I don’t feel like a dwarf in comparison. I bet on my music he is over one-ninety. Still, he is clearly not the best-looking man around. 

 He has no right hand… is he destined to be… alone?

 

 My old pal, my unforgotten friend… I miss you every day. That’s why I always look at your pictures, to never forget what we once were. I thought it would last forever…  
 I scroll through the folder in my phone picture gallery. The folder’s named _“It will never be alright again”._  It’s a compilation of photos of my right hand before I blew it up in in that explosion years ago. Sometimes I wonder why those I tell about this just walk away with a disgusted sneer on their faces. It’s _fucking hilarious_ I tell you! Anyway, I keep this folder safe, not only on my phone but also on my computer and cloud… it would be a shame to lose the pics of my right hand, that’s pretty important, or so they say. Just to remember that, someday, somebody will tell me _“Are you okay there man?”_. I am honestly worried about the implications of that question.  
 Oopsie, I bump into somebody. It’s a pretty damn short bloke, holy, he is so short what in the… I halt immediately, but before I can speak something buzzes loudly. My phone just starts to burn hot and I react a second too late.  
  “Fuck!” A glorious booming sound, always loved explosions ever since I was just an ankle biter. Still, this one is way too close to my face, it hurts. “Auch…”  
As the smoke clears slowly, the tiny man in front of me reappears, a concerned look on his face. Hold on a second, he is hot?!  
  “Are you okay there man?”  
His voice is pleasing to my ears that never happens?? It’s usually old grumpy folk around here or loud annoying children or shrill girly laughs. His dark eyes are plastered on me, I feel pressured if I have to admit it.  
  “Yeah, it’s just an ol’ phone…” I shrug off the excruciating pain the burn was giving me and smile, to try and impress that handsome stranger. “About time it gave up on me.”  
The phone is still burning; pretty flames are coming out of it, thank God my arm is prosthetic. The man lets out a relieved sigh, but suddenly his eyes widen.  
  “Ehy, do you… know what’s written on your right hand?”  
  “Ya.”  
  “Could you show me?”  
I look at him and then at my phone.  
  “I would but it’s currently burnin’. Along with everything else.”  
It’s becoming unbearable, my skin is drying up, the hot sun not helping at all. I need help, I need… I faint.

 My head is spinning so fast, the white room is just messing me up so I close my eyes immediately. Voices are blabbering in the background and I can’t give less than a shit I need silence. I sit up, only noticing in that moment a blanket is covering me.  
  “Shut your mouth, ya cunt!”   
Oh the misery and regret I feel after those words. I shouted right in the face of that man I met on the street, the one with the big eyes, sexy body and beautiful, oh, so beautiful voice… that’s a feels bad. He doesn’t look pissed or anything though, actually he is looking… relieved? He is smiling.  
  “Welcome back, you’ve been sleeping for quite the long while, man.”  
I had been sleeping? I do felt dizzy and weird as if I napped for three days straight… Not the time to think about that though.  
  “’M sorry for shouting, I was just…”  
He pushes away the topic quickly, no big deal he says. Then he enters some kind of serious mode; his expression so stiff and cold he is almost a different man. He hands me my phone.  
  “About what I asked you before you fainted…”  
As I try to get the phone to show him the answer, a blondie enters the room, high-heels, greenish robe, she flames the man for not telling her I woke up, probably... a nurse? Am I in a hospital? Hold up, where is my right arm?! My leg is missing too!   
Back to the nurse, she kicks the hottie out for a while along with my phone. I am stuck here… quite literally I can’t walk out, nor avoid conversation.  
  “Ohi, blondie, what happened to me?” Never mind. “Oh right, I fainted, now I remember.”  
  “Mr. Fawkes, we tried to contact your home but we got no answers. Your conditions are currently stable, but it would be advised to have someone to carry you home, are there any other members of your family we can get in touch with?”   
What a dry accent she has. I sigh annoyed by the quick demand of that nurse. Who does she think I was? A man with a family? I frown at her and cross my arm over my chest.  
  “They all died, you insensitive fuck.”  
She halts, apologizing quickly. They are all so quick in changing their attitude once they know that, isn’t that simply hilarious? She begins explaining me what exactly went wrong with my body and all that boring stuff I really don’t care about, my attention was easily diverted by the dark-skinned figure behind the glass window looking out on the corridor. What a tiny hot bloke he is… his pants were tight just right, nice ass. Sure he is quite the persistent one, what does he even want from me? Oh, the nurse has stopped talking, she is staring at me now, what did she even say?   
  “Right, about someone to pick me up, my pal Mako, just call him.” I have no need to give her the big guy’s number, she knows who he is, I am sure of it. “He should be home.”   
  “Mako Rutledge?” See, told ya she’d know. “Did you pay any attention to what I just told you?”  
  “Honestly speaking, no, I ignored you.”  
She stares down at me, her hand travels to her face to pinch on the bridge of her nose. Against all my predictions though, she doesn’t yell at me, she just shrugs everything off with a gesture of her right hand; _“I need healing”_ , what did she do wrong to deserve that as first sentence? She leaves the room before I can comment on it. She speaks a bit with the man outside before letting him in. He rushes to the bed, my phone still in his small hands, he gives it back to me finally.  
  “Y’know, my right leg and arm blew up in an explosion in a lab and I was left like this.”   
I hear a cracking noise followed by an held-back laughter. He got my pun, what a man. Respect plus one.   
It is hard to use the phone with my left hand alone, but I have to. Look for the folder, open it, look for the picture… there it is, and finally show him the picture. His face just blanches, eyes glued to the screen.  
  “You…” He looks at his own hand before showing it to me. “Look.”  
What in the heavens is this first sentence?! _“Fuck! BOOM! Auch.”_!? This poor mate, what did he do wrong? What kind of messed up life is he living?!  
Hold up…


	2. Chapter 2

 The man suddenly stops his little usual twitching, every inch of his body is frozen, I too share that state. However I am happy, so happy I can scream. We are in an hospital though, it’s not really the place to do it.  
  “It’s you…”  
  “My…”  
I’ve found him, my soulmate. And it wasn’t as bad of a first meeting as I pictured it was going to be, he is not dead. The doctor told me his name when I asked her, but I don’t want to ruin the moment, he is going to be the one to introduce himself to me, he will, as my soulmate; and I will, as his.  
He doesn’t wake up from the shocked state though. I have to wait a couple minutes until he finally speaks up.  
  “My soulmate is the hottest man I’ve ever met.”  
That flatters me, I feel… a bit embarrassed but I can work with it, I enjoy the feeling. Also good thing he likes me, right? I crack a small laugh and offer him my hand, which he clumsily shakes with his left one. Mistake on my part, sorry about that man. I quickly swap it and now it’s more comfortable for the both of us.  
 I can’t believe I’ve finally found him. He is here, in front of me, holding my hand; I’ve travelled so many countries and lost so much hope, I am so used to the belief of never finding my soulmate... I am honestly so happy right now, I’ll never let go of him, I want to say with this person.  
  “Nice to meet you, the name’s Lúcio Correira dos Santos, I’m your soulmate.”  
  “Jaminson Fawkes, the pleasure is mine.” He tries to avert my gaze, but soon gives up and just smiles widely back. His teeth are shiny. “Your soulmate.”  
My chest feels warm, my cheeks are starting to hurt and my hand doesn’t want to let go. We stare at each other but it’s not awkward at all. What are you supposed to do now though? We have all the time we want to do stuff but… oh right, maybe I can help him get out of hospital first; Doctor Ziegler said he needed to be escorted home by someone and, well, I am someone.  
  “Jamison, want me to take you home?”  
  “Actually I told that sheila to call my friend over.” He tilts his head before muttering something. “You can come with if you want though…”  
  “Gladly!”  
 Right! A picture! I want to take a picture with him! … It would be better if he was all in one piece though, where are his prostheses? Over there, by the wardrobe. I get up and grab them, helping him putting them on as much as I can. He shyly thanks me, how adorable. Man, his eyes are pretty though, and those freckles… Maybe he is handsome after all.  
  “Oh right.” I sigh loudly as I remember how impossible it is for me to take a picture. Jamison looks at me confused. “I wanted to take a picture to commemorate but guess what.”  
  “No pictures in hospitals?”  
  “I was actually going for: I literally threw my phone on the concrete.”  
He laughs at me, can’t blame him for doing that. His laughter was so crazily chirpy and contagious, each muscle of his face moved to express his enjoyment. His teeth are shining again.  
  “Can’t be helped then, gotta use this old boy.” He sits up straight, patting the now free space next to him on the bed. “C’mere, selfie time!”  
I do just that, but… I look at my right hand and at his… I want them to be shown, the sentences. I reach for my backpack, I left it nearby the door when I first came into the room a couple hours ago, I fumble in the smaller and bigger pockets until I finally find one of the markers I have with me. Just after that I sit next to Jamison.  
  “Can I write on your hand your sentence? For the picture.”  
I ask as nicely as I can, his expression remains as joyful as before while he nods. I take his hand and carefully write; now we match. We pose for the pic, my arm around his neck, he lets me do that, our right hands in focus, our faces smiling without a worry. It’s such a nice picture, I want it as home screen for my phone… if I had one right now, that is.  
  “You look amazing, Lúcio.”   
That small compliment gets to me and I can't help but smile widely.  
  “Thanks, man!”

We wait for about an hour or so, we talk to each other, what our hobbies are, favourite dishes, if we sleep with or without socks, trivial things; getting to know him is all I want right now.  
The doors spring open, a tall shadow casts itself on the white floor, when I look up I meet an unimpressed expression hidden behind light-coloured sunglasses, white hair and short beard, a fat bulky dude. He is… so tall… I feel like a freaking midget! Maybe if I stay sit the difference will be less prominent… or maybe even worse…  
  “Mako, me man! You came to save me from this prison!” Prison? He doesn't enjoy my company… “But unfortunately for you, I am in no rush thanks to this handsome cobber over here.”  
Oh, never mind. Feels good. The other man, Mako eyes me weirdly, I honestly feel awkward, those are some expressive eyes: he is clearly suspicious. What do I do?!  
  “And who is this?”  
  “He's my soulmate.”  
Suspicion becomes surprise in null seconds, his finger travelling from Jamison to me, unable to find any connection. He stops on my right hand and I show it to him. When he reads the sentence his expression blanks.  
  “Yeah, it's clearly Jamie.” He sighs loudly, he strokes his head. “Nice too meet you, I'm Mako.”  
I chuckle quietly.  
  “Pleasure's mine, name's Lúcio.”  
After a couple seconds, Mako steps closer to the bed and grabs the covers, leaving Jamison to meet the cold air conditioning of the hospital. He shrikes in return, his body getting stiff in an instant.  
  “Jamie, get up.”

The car trip was long but lively. I was sitting front, next to Mako who was driving; the three of us chatted the time away, sometimes singing, sometimes quietly silent. It was such a light company, I liked it a lot. Mako left us in front of a huge gate, he said he had work to do in the evening so he couldn't stick with us. Too bad, he is a nice fellow.

When I turn around, I see Jamison searching his pockets to find a bunch of keys, which he uses to open the gate. What's behind it leaves me speechless.  
  “Is this where you live, Jamison?”  
This… is a pretty huge house. It looks so elegant in his white walls and warm bricks. The garden itself was radiant in its colours under the hot afternoon sun. Jamison chuckles proud.  
  “Yup, this is all for me.” He halts, a somewhat gloomy expression making its way on his pointy features. “Me alone…”  
He lives alone in this huge house? It must be great! Why was he so sad about it? Just thinking about all the stuff you can do in here, makes me excited! Also…  
  “Why the long face?” I smiled up at him patting his back like old friends would do. “You have me from now on, right? I mean, I am not going to straight out live with you, but, you know…”  
I am here for him, anytime.  
His eyes glued to me, the light in them begins to shine faintly once he hears my words. I like the smile he's making, it's such an honest one.  
Jamison showed me the interior of the house, where the bathrooms are and all that; it really is a rich house. Judging by his appearance alone you would give him a shack, and you'd be generous, but damn you would be wrong. Three bathrooms... Three!  
We are now sitting on the sofa in the living room, he owns a giant tv… his phone is a wreck but his tv takes over the wall, I don't even wanna know. The soft sofa I am sitting on looks brand new, or barely used; or it would if it wasn't for where Jamison is sitting, clearly that is his usual spot. He looks at me intently, I like his stares.  
  “So, what you wanna talk about?”  
I put the question on the table, we have to get to know each other, right?

 

 No, I don't want to talk. I want to f… hold on Jamison, you only just met, soulmates or not it's not a nice thing to… son of a bastard he's so sexy in that tank top! Keep your cool damnit!  
  “Sure, cobber.” I put a hand to my chin, thinking about a topic to discuss, while looking anywhere but at his bloody hot body, it’s hard though, really hard. “You got a job?”  
His mouth pouts while he crosses his arms. I look at him again, I can’t help it.  
  “Nah, I've been wandering for the past six years.”  
  “Six?!” That was one hell of a long time?? “Where are you even from?”  
  “Brazil, straight outta Rio.”  
  “Brazil…” _MY SOULMATE IS A SEXY BRAZILIAN._ “And you are travelling because…?”  
He stretches his arms, his tank top revealing his… I need a moment. I actually need more than a moment, but I'll be fine if he doesn’t notice. I drop my eyes to the ground, unable to physically keep staring.  
  “I was looking for you. I really believed in this soulmate thing when I first started.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and smirks with a confident attitude. “In the end, here we are!”  
He believes in it… he travelled just because he believed he would find me someday, just to find me…? He threw away six years of his life to look for someone that could have not existed at all?! That's unthinkable, mate! And what did he get after all those years? Me?! What a disappointment…  
  “You are a madman, Lúcio.”  
He chuckles ever so softly. I want to…  
  “What about you?”  
A job, yes, I have one.  
  “I'm a… technically speaking I am a chemist. Practically speaking I work at home and not in a lab...”  
So we are both jobless. Off to a great start. Maybe I should find an actual one for good.  
  “A chemist? That's unexpected.”  
His eyes sparkle with interest as he scots closer to me. Too close, send help. Unexpected? Why? Do I not look like a chemist? Probably not now that I think it through… I studied the shit out of those subjects though, graduated with flying colours nonetheless. For some reason that expansive degree is not granting me a spot in a lab though, that sucks. Or maybe there is a reason and it’s probably related to how I blew up the first one I got in… I am hungry.  
  “Well, I need to bite on something,” wish I could bite him… Jamison what the hell keep your shit together! He’s so dreamy… “you wanna eat something?”  
  “Actually I-…”Perfectly on time his stomach growls, halting him in his answer. He blushes slightly, his dark cheeks getting a hint darker. That must have been a yes. “I'd like to, yeah.” 


	3. Chapter 3

 Unfortunately he didn't spend the night with me… or luckily I should say, I was already aroused enough by having him at lunchtime, dunno what I could have done by night. He was turning me crazy. Crazy I tell you! Was that the effect a soulmate has on you? Was he feeling the same towards me? Probably not… he's the one who's unbelievably sexy, not me.

It's morning, it's fucking hot as usual. I get up lazily from my bed, wearing my prostheses ever so unwillingly. What am I going to do anyway? Everyday I just wander around the city looking for something to do, something to eat, something to do again and then something to eat again, maybe visit Mako in-between meals, but that's about it… each day I have less and less will to go out honestly. As I think that, my hand is already on the knob of the front door. It's ten already…  
As I open it, a figure appears, so short I didn't see him through the glass on top of the door. It's him.  
  “Good morning, Jamison!”  
He smiles so sweetly my body feels weak immediately, I hold on to the knob, thanking it for supporting me in that difficult moment. What is he doing here?!  
  “Wha-” I can't ask the question, I am stunned by his grin. He's wearing denim shorts and a plain shirt… but he looks gorgeous. I smile as I can. “G'day, Lúcio.”  
  “Sorry for the intrusion, really…” He scratches the back of his neck, I can feel he's honestly embarrassed for what he did. “I wanted to hang with you though, so I came by. You going out?”  
  “I am, but we can stay at home if you want.”  
Let’s stay home. Let’s stay home. Let’s stay home.  
  “It's cool! Show me around a bit, will you?”  
Bummer.  
  “Sure.”  
I beam a smile back at him, finally regaining control over by over-excited body. He really is something else, mate. You have to meet him to understand.

We head to town. He holds my hand…

 

Walking hand-in-hand sure feels nice, I’ve always wished I could do it and now I can! Jamison lets me do it. He was nervous about it at first, but he soon got used to it and now it's just natural to look for his hand again when I let go. Now that I think about this situation, isn't this some kind of date? Our first date it is then! I squeeze his hand while pointing towards the sea.  
  “Let's hit the beach, Jamison.”

I really like the sea, it has such a colourful and lively atmosphere to it, the light shines bright on its surface, families enjoy their time together on the shore. Too bad I have no swimsuit with me… should have considered the possibility when I dressed up this morning at the hotel. Jamison looks at the waves with absent eyes, his expression deprived of his usual spark. What's up?  
  “Something the matter?”  
I make him sit on one of the free beach chairs. I tilt my head in confusion as he raises his to look me in the eyes. He gives me a smile… this is fake. Plain fake.  
  “Nah, just not a big fan of the beach I guess…”  
There is more to it than just a “ _not a big fan_ ”, but… I let it slide, he'll tell me if it's important. What matters now is that we enjoy our time together! No long faces! If he doesn't like the seaside, we'll go somewhere else!  
  “We can leave then, do you know any nice restaurant to grab a bite maybe?”  
He grabs my hand again, his face finally lighting up with a wide grin. He says there's this nice place nearby where he's a regular; he always gets some kind of discount and the food itself is delicious; that sounds amazing!

A lively atmosphere, paintings, papers and other decorative objects hanging from all walls, bottles on and behind the counter, a smiling waitress with long brown locks greets Jamison in a friendly way, she has marks on her cheeks, probably tattoos of some sort? Pink triangles. She points at me, I wave my hand. Jamison tells me to sit at the counter next to him, I do that.  
  “Who's the hottie, Jamie?”  
  “Well, I met him on the streets yesterday and it turned out he's my soulmate. Jelly yet?”  
She gasps at his answer and I laugh at her shocked expression.  
  “Of course I'm jealous, you lucky bastard!”  
Jamison laughs at her too and she smacks him on the head, they are close. Guess I'll introduce myself.  
  “I’m Lúcio Correira dos Santos.”   
She winks at me before grabbing a couple menus from under the counter and handing them to us. They sure had a wide variety of sandwiches and salads, a typical light restaurant on the beach.  
  “Hana Song, nice to meet you!” Her smile was adorably cute. “Can’t believe Jamie found his soulmate before me…”  
She looks at her hand sighing loudly. I sneak a peek of the writing: there it was, the infamous, the hated, the most terrible text you could read: “ _Hello”_. I have witnessed it. She also works in a place where everyone would greet her that way… Her life must be a nightmare. She doesn’t look too distressed about it though, even while talking about it, she really takes it casually.   
  “Care to take our orders or you’re going to stare at that hand of yours until you get fired?”  
She smacks him again, they both laugh happily. It is not the private lunch I thought I would have with Jamison, but it really is fun to hang with that girl. She has that vibe, that chirpy personality that entertains you with her sole presence. 

 We talked about many things during lunch, Hana was curious about me, my past and my reasons for travelling, gasping an ever so touched _aww_ at how romantic my intentions actually were. When I asked her, she told me that living with little to no idea of who will love you was not that much of a burden, she got used to strangers saying _hello_ , she got used to answering in the weirdest way possible to each one of them, each different, each random. _Potato salad, crispy camel, raccoon on a shelf_ … these are just some. She is looking for them though, her soulmate, and she’s doing it with style: she’s actually an internet sensation apparently, not that I would know since I had little to no time to care and think about famous people in the past years. Jamison explains how she’s a streamer that goes by the name of D.va, she’s been doing that for a couple years now. She meets new people every day, from all-over the world, she interacts with her viewers, she appreciates every single one of them. What a girl she is.

After all the taking though… I am left a bit unsatisfied. I got no new information about Jamison.

 

 For the rest of the afternoon we walked side by side around the city streets, I showed Lúcio all I could and all I consider worth seeing. We also visited Mako's workplace, to not break my daily routine. Now what? He's so close to me… it's getting late, we should both head home. Where does he live anyway? In an hotel I guess… so he's also paying for an hotel to stay here with me for the time being? Man… He yawns adorably, he does look tired. Oh right! What about his phone?  
  “Mate, what about your phone? Don't you need a new one?”  
He looks at me almost surprised about the topic, he soon realises it and facepalms loudly.  
  “I completely forgot, damn… I need to contact my family asap.”  
It's not too late in the evening, many shops are still open and I know where to find him some good stuff. Maybe I should buy it for him… yeah I should, he must be flat broke at this point. I squeeze his hand and smile at him to reassure him, then we head to the shopping district.  
  “I'll give you back the money, don't worry.” He's struggling to open his old phone to get his card out, the fragments of glass cutting the tip of his finger; he shouldn't ruin his hands like that... “If I don't die of blood loss that is.”  
I take the old phone from his hands, remove the cover easily and take out the sim card, handing it to him. A prosthetic arm is useful now and then. He thanks me with a pat on the back. Finally the light of the new screen hits his face. I wonder, is he the type to live with his phone in-hand or not? Does he give nicknames to his contacts or does he use full names? What is his ringtone? Does he give unique ones to each friend? There are so many thing I don't know about him... he told me a couple times he needs to contact his family: who are they? How many? Do they approve what he did? His journey? Will his parents accept shaggy me as their hot son's soulmate? Does he have parents? I want to know so bad…  
  “Right, before anything else…” he winks at me, giving me his new phone. “Punch in your number, will you?”  
When I stare back at him he rubs the back of his head, as if he just lost the confidence he started the question with. I laugh it off, of course I was going to give him my number. Done, I give it back, he quickly updates it. My name now has a little mouse emoji next to it… that's cute. He gives me a quick ring to give me his number and then he finally calls his family. He speaks a different language… Portuguese I guess, he's from Brazil after all… his expressions fly, from the happy sneer to the angry embarrassment, I don't get a word he says, apart from my name a couple times. After the third mention, he turns to me, gifting me the most sunshine-like smile I've ever seen. I melt a little… a lot, I'm done. My face burns and I have to look away, he chuckles, running his free arm around my neck to keep me close. He keeps talking for a while before finally ending the call.  
  “Everything's fine?” He's still so close to me… I want to… “They must have been worried.”  
He yawns as he puts away his phone in his pocket with the most care in the world.  
  “Yup, they just kind of congratulated me for finding you.” His tone was forced, I bet they did say something else, not so supportive. “Told me to not let go of you, pretty much.”  
That would be very supportive of them… do I trust him or my instinct? I mean, he's unsure of the words to use, maybe just because of the language switch? When did he learn such good English anyway? He does have an accent. He leans on my shoulder and yawns again, that shit gets cuter and cuter every time. But, man, being so tired at dinner time, maybe he hasn't slept much in the past days.  
  “Let's go home to eat, you look pretty damn tired over there.”  
He nods, his eyes wandering in a general direction before suddenly coming back to life.  
  “I'm sorry, I just... didn't sleep well the past nights.” What was the reason? Maybe the hotel had terrible beds? “At the B&B there are a lot of tourists right now, it's noisy and the bed isn't the most comfortable if I have to admit it.”  
Well he can stay at my home if he wants. No wait that already gives me ideas and no, no, Jamison, no. But he would look so goo-… NO.

 We got home walking slowly, we talked so much during that little trip, it almost made all I had already learnt about him worthless; he lives for his music, that's why he always brings with him a backpack in which he carries a small portable console to compose and edit, he creates music based on what happens around him. As he said that, his eyes glowed in happiness and satisfaction. He suddenly became even more handsome to my eyes, just by talking about something he loves so much. I wonder why he didn't tell me sooner, I really was missing huge part of him.

 I am not the best cook, barely decent, but I can manage a dinner for two. Nothing fancy… I need to do the shopping tomorrow, the fridge is almost empty and really, I only have these old boxes of pasta to offer him, hopefully he's not celiac. When I come back from the kitchen to lay the table he insists on helping me, when I'm carrying the food in the dining room, he hands me the plates, when we are eating he gifts me smiles and compliments… He is so bright. I always thought this house followed a grey colour scheme, why does the wall look warmer now? What's up with those hues I've never seen before? Him…? What is he even doing with me?  
I know I'm sulking, I know it's right in front of my eyes, but I don't believe it.  
  “Why are you my soulmate?”  
He stops his chewing to look at me; his honest stare doesn't answer me.  
  “I… don't know?”  
  “There must be a reason though, right?”

He's too good for me. There must be something wrong with this. Maybe when my hand blew up…  
  “Maybe it shouldn't work anymore if you no longer have your right hand. No one ever questioned this possibility?”  
I stare at Hana, right in her eyes, looking for an answer. She just sighs, stroking my hair with a faint smile.  
  “Just be happy for once, will you?”  
That is not what I want to hear. That is not the answer I expected to get when earlier I left my house in the middle of the night. Lúcio fell asleep on my couch and I had no balls to wake him up, so I just left him there and headed to Hana's… my guts told me to speak with Mako instead of her, but I really don't want to bother his wife at this time of the night, she's too kind by nature. On the bright side, Hana has welcomed me inside and offered me a place to spend the night; I really can't think of sleeping under the same roof as Lúcio.  
 Weird… now that I think about it, I feel much more at ease with Hana now, I don't feel the usual knot in my chest, her hand in my hair is relaxing, it doesn't tense me anymore…  
  “You are so over-dramatic, Jamie.” She giggles at my angry expression. “You got lucky as hell and you complain too? What’s your problem?”

Luck… it can’t be it. Destiny is not just luck, maybe just a fifty per cent… fifty-five. I sigh loud, rolling on the bed and covering myself with the warm blanket. 


	4. Chapter 4

  “Good morning, sunshine.”  
Lúcio has been drooling, his arm has been on his face for a while and has left a mark, his leg is hanging from the side… today I learnt that he sleeps in weird positions. He opens slightly his eyes, it must be hard to face the bright light of the living room first thing in the morning. He yawns and gets up, stretching and making really loud creaking sounds with his still sleepy bones. He's wearing an adorably pissed expression.  
  “You weren't here tonight. Why?”  
He knows? Light sleeper I guess… I tried my best to be sneaky but failed apparently. I wish I could just tell him the truth but “ _I am too horny to sleep in the same building as you_ ” isn't the right answer to give to someone you want to impress…  
  “I was too horny to sleep in the same building as ya.”  
 _WHAT._  
  “Pardon?”  
I…  
  “I feel better now though.”  
 _WHAT_ time two. 

Burning red in embarrassment is the least you deserve after this Jamison! What the actual fuck have you just said?! Yeah, you better cover your face and hide in the bathroom… this is safe, safe place. I am sorry Hana: I already fucked up bad. I hear loud knocking on the door, he calls my name. No, I don't have the guts to face him now.  
  “Jamison, where can I find new cereals? I poured myself some milk, but this box is empty.”  
Cereals?  
  “In the higher cupboard next to the fridge.”  
  “Thanks! Oh right, where to throw the empty box?”  
Wait… that's really not what I am expecting. I get up from the bathroom floor and open the door slightly, my face barely showing. He's holding a box of cereals in one hand, the other is on his waist… his expression is not… angry at all?  
  “Just leave it on the table, I'll take care of it.”  
Lúcio nods and smiles his way out of my field of view. There are many things I don't understand, but right now he is at the top of the list. He is such a weirdo to my silly eyes right now, what kind of reaction is that?! And what wait, who in their right mind pours milk before cereals!? I get out of the bathroom quickly, but… too late, the sinner is already eating. I just grab a cup, put in cereals and pour milk, I haven’t had breakfast yet, so might as well join him.

  “So you went to Hana’s because…?”  
  “Because I was horny.”  
He chokes on his food, nothing to blame there, I had no reason to lie though: I had already fucked up. He laughs, his body accompanying his smile with movements. He’s so expressive, even in this still sleepy expression of his…  
  “And here I thought I heard you wrong, man!” Oh. “At least you’re honest, I guess.”  
He laughs again, I join him because well fuck me, I could have just lied and he would have believed it but no, I went with the sexually frustrated character.  
  “Yeah, right…” I nib on my spoonful of cereals, unable to find another topic to discuss. “I tried to let you sleep, guess it didn’t work out.”  
  “Not really, a prosthesis on the parquet is pretty damn loud…” He drinks the milk left in his bowl. “I mean, I did forget my pills at the B&B, but you weren’t exactly silent either.”  
 “Pills?”  
 “Insomnia, man. Travelling hit pretty hard on my sleep schedule. I can only manage to sleep like… a couple hours without them.”  
 What a weird feeling though, usually as soon as I finish my breakfast I take my stuff and leave the house, I want to leave, I need to; but now… I want to stay… this grey house is suddenly so colourful I don’t want to leave it just yet. I am blinded by its brightness, by the beautiful amount of sunrays knocking on the widows, by the lack of shadows in the living room. I want him here.  
  “That sucks, mate, sorry I woke you up.”  
He shrugs it off, his spoon hitting loudly the bottom of his bowl. He smiles at me, running a hand over his tired beautiful eyes. They are so big and radiant in that smile, his expression squashes a bit.   
  “No big deal, I managed to sleep a couple hours.”

 We decided to stay at home until lunch, after that we will go out somewhere hunting for a job like usual. We discussed about many topics that morning while absently watching some tv. 

 I probably suggested both the greatest and worst thing possible in-between topics: “ _Mate, wanna stay here at my house intead of paying that B &B?”_ I was scared he would reject the offer, that he would eye me weirdly and find an excuse to leave asap… but he didn’t. He said yes! He’s going to live with me, for a while at least. I did it Hana, I did it. I am so excited about this.

 

 I am still slightly annoyed by him going to sleep somewhere else: I was the one in his house, why did he have to be the one to leave? Why did he leave in the first place? The reason he gave me sounds a bit… ridiculous, I don’t really believe it. However he still asked me to stay with him in his house, that makes me a lot happier than I thought I would be. 

 I stuck by Jamison’s side the whole day, we walked around the town, knocking on many doors, labs Jamie told me. He’s submitting curricula and asking for part times to make his studies fruit, but no one picks him up… I don’t understand. As we walked around he explained me some of the stuff he knows: it’s freaking incredible how brilliant he is. I studied arts and music and I am barely self-taught in the technological department… I can just dream to have his scientific knowledge! I’m amazed, fascinated, but those people; they looked at him like he was the last of the idiots. He was smiling all the way through the day though, never failing to make me laugh with comments on the terrible fashion sense of the scientists, or their horrible haircuts and the continuous _“once I get famous we’ll see who doesn’t want who in their lab”_. I really wish he could find a job easily, he deserves it. Why don’t they accept him? He doesn’t tell me what they say. We got back home after hours under the hot sun, we both took a shower and we had dinner together. It doesn’t feel that weird to live together… at least for now. He’s been really nice and I’ve been polite so it should be fine.  It’s time to go to bed now, I wonder if he’ll try and sneak out again: he said no but… who knows, I want to be sure. 

Jamison is so weird. I have such an hard time figuring out his actions and his words. He's bluntly honest yet secretive, he's carefree but anxious at the same time, he wants to know more about me, but doesn't tell me anything in return… Over the past years, I started to not care about my future, but ever since I met him that feeling left me, I used to wander with no destination in mind, I even throw my phone on the ground because I was that absent minded, but now I feel so different; and that was just three days ago! I didn't think a single meeting could change you this much… I can't lie to myself, I know I've already fallen for him and his bubbly attitude. I want to stay with Jamison, by his side… wish I could feel the same back though.  
 I stare at his beautiful freckles, at his bushy eyebrows and at his ever so relaxed sleeping face, I bury myself in his chest. He'd probably kill me if he wakes up, but I checked on him if he was on his bed and… and it simply escalated. I need to feel him close like this: the thing he said about liking me, how I turn him on and how he tries his best to restrain himself… if those things are true, that is not what I want. Holding hands feels nice, but I want more; hug me, put your hands on my body if you like it so much, let me feel you, Jamison. I squeeze him tight, he grunts, his right arm pulling me closer, probably just moving in his sleep… I run a hand through his hair, it's soft. I really want him to wake up right now; I wonder what would happen… If I just pull on his hair a little, will his eyes open? Will he react to the pain? Or is he a really heavy sleeper? How do you keep sleeping after someone sneaked in your bed anyways? I mean, I know sometimes I wake up when someone knocks on the neighbor’s door, but there should be limits to how dead you can be. I am literally stroking his face now, feeling the minuscule dots on his nose with my thumb. Okay, maybe what I'm doing is leaning a bit on the creepy side. He's sound asleep… sound!  
  “Jamison.”  
He twitches lightly, pulling me closer to him like I was some kind of stuffed animal. I love his warmth.  
  “Aren't you happy you found me?” _I like you so much…_ “I just wish you would hold me like this…”  
 It's getting really late now though, I should probably sleep… here maybe? I want to but… better not push my luck, he might overreact in the morning. At least he stayed at home tonight and hasn't left for Hana's again. I sneak out of his warm grip and the bed, I feel a cold shiver on my skin, but I ignore it. I walk to the kitchen and get something to drink my pills with.


	5. Chapter 5

 Jamison left me at the restaurant on the beach for a while, he said he was going to do the shopping and another couple commissions in town, but when I asked to go with him, Hana stopped me, begging me to keep her company at work since it looked like there were not going to be many costumers that day.  
 So here I am sitting at the counter chatting away time with this adorable girl. I should ask her about the other night.  
  “What did Jamison tell you when he came by your house the other night?”  
I am just curious, really. Maybe him being horny was just an excuse.  
  “I'll be honest with you, Lú… when I opened the door he was flushing red, slightly sweaty and really distressed. So much I though he was sick.” Oh… “Turns out he was just having a boner, no big deal.”  
So he told the truth, wow. That makes me laugh and sneer at the same time, really if he wanted to he could have just jumped on me, I wouldn't have complained.  
  “He's so…”  
  “Jamie is just putting too much pressure on himself, as usual. He doesn't want to put on a scene and disappoint you.” She giggles, I understand her though, from a third person perspective it must have been hilarious. “He's like this.”  
  “He still hasn't hugged me once, do you believe it?!”  
  “Oh my God, really?!”  
I change the subject; I don't want to learn from her anything important about Jamison. I know I can do it by myself, I want to. He might be stingy with the information, but I'll grasp all I can without anyone's help… or at least I'll try. No! I'll do it.  
  “Yeah like, I know we are not official or anything but a hug would feel nice.” I pout. “He bought me a phone but it's not the same! Touch me, damn it!”  
Talking about it makes me pull out my phone by instinct, the screen lights up, revealing the picture I am using as lock screen.  
  “That picture is adorable!”

  “This!” I shove the phone in her face. “This is the closest I’ve been to him yet!”  
If we don’t count the sneaky cuddles I stole yesterday night… let’s not tell her about that.

 After what felt like forever, I am back home. Really, all I’ve been doing today was talking to Hana and drinking tap water and occasionally eating something. It was a lazy day, one of those I hate, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, too many thoughts, too much stress. I just want to enjoy my destined lover, why is he so fucking stubborn?! At dinner Jamison told me about what he did during the day, nothing much on his part either, he went to a nearby town to look for a job and the journey was the longest part. He does look exhausted. This day has been so dry… he hasn’t even touched me the slightest! At least we could have accidentally bumped into each other or something along those lines but no! We were in two different towns and now he’s so tired I don’t even dare to try anything on him, he might collapse on the spot.

 He looks finally peaceful now, laying on his stomach, limbs spread out and a droll on his pillow. I so want to… but I should not try that again… last time it worked perfectly, but it must have been luck, blind, deaf and dead luck, there is no way he won't wake up again. I step out, close the door behind my back, go in the kitchen, take the pills and back in my room. This boring day will not repeat itself, I’m sure of it! I sit on the bed, waiting for them to take over my awake body. I haven't really looked around this room yet. How have I not noticed these before? Maybe I was too sleepy, I only came in here to rest, really. Pictures on the walls, unlike in any other room. I take a closer look at them, I've never seen most of the people in these. I can easily spot Jamie though, an adorable-looking child, small-framed, the very same waterfall of freckles and a missing tooth; he's smiling widely at a lady who's holding him. His mother maybe? She has blond short locks, a white robe over a nice shirt. She has a beautiful smile with dimples, her features resemble Jamie's pointy ones. In this other picture I recognize a young Mako, Jamie is on his shoulders, the picture is blurry, the finger of the taker seems to appear in the corner. It's clumsy, but it gives a familiar vide. In this other picture Jamie is on the beach, he looks scared to touch the water, the same blonde lady in trying to lead him by holding his hands. He's such a cute child, my heart is fluttering. Now that I notice, he has both arms and legs… so he must have lost his right ones at a certain point… I wonder how. Fireworks in this other picture; Jamie looks at them in wonder, it's the same, the very same spark I saw in his eyes many times, that light I came to like so much. I have a urge to go in the other room and hug him to death, kiss him, love him… it’s not like I can do that though. So many more pictures are still here to be examined, but my eyes feel heavy, the sleeping pills are taking effect.

 The morning sun knocks on the glass window, my face is sour, I believe I slept with my arm on it again. I get up slowly, stretching what I can and scratching my itchy nape. What was I looking at last night? Right the pictures. I still want to see Jamie though, the pictures can wait.   
  “Good morning, Jamie!”  
I am welcomed by his presence outside my door, I give him the brightest smile, he's right here! I want to embrace him so bad. He has a mug in his hand, a tired expression on his face, he's hunching a bit.  
  “G'day, Lúcio…” His face lightens in a red hue. “Slept well?”  
I nod my head yes as I come out of the room. I'm still in my pajama shorts but it's fine: I want him to see me in these. He follows me with his eyes as I go towards the bathroom, he's looking down low, his mouth slightly open in a gasp. Smirking proud I close the door behind me.

 

 That… that… that son of a… how dares he walk around in those with such a fine ass?! Take a breath, think about what Hana told you! If you feel like this again just think of something to turn you off right away; that ugly mayor of ours in underwear! Yeah this should work… no, no, no! Not Lúcio! The drongo with the cowlick! Hooly dooly, he'd be so sexy with his hair down, smirking up at me with those full lips of his as he… STOP IT.  
 I yell for him to hear me behind the door.   
  “Ya start breakfast, I'll be there in a minute!”  
  “Alright.”  
I walk back to my room shutting the door behind me, my mug still in my hand, even if the handle is probably as broken as my mental state and barely still attached due to all the force I used on it. I need some time alone and I need it now.

 It's all his fault. He's looking at me, that bastard smirk of his plastered on his fucking lips… I swear he's doing it on purpose. If I didn't know that no one, especially not someone so good-looking, would do that, I would think he's trying to turn me on. I thought the situation down under was under control when I left my room, but I am still a blushing mess and looking at him just reminds me of a couple minutes ago. Why the fuck is he drinking milk out of everything I have in this kitchen?! Oh… he hasn't noticed he has mustaches, that makes me giggle a bit. Can't I lick them off? No. I point them out and he gives me a goofy smile as answer, licking away some and cleaning with his napkin what's left. I want to pin him to the table and f- NO, Jamison, no. This is a torture, a torture I tell you! I can't believe what he's doing to me! Why does he look so proud right now?! He makes it looks like what he's doing is on purpose when it's clearly not. I really should have left for Hana's again. I need more consultation, her tips are failing me one after another, though. All I can see are pictures my too wild imagination creates for me… I've never felt so frustrated in my entire life. I am covering my face with both hands, it's flaming hot, I have to gasp for air every few seconds. What would I give to pull him close to me, to touch him and feel him on my body... what would I give…he probably wouldn't accept no matter what I offer him, he's too good. The only reason he's sticking with me is for this soulmate bullshit! I said it! _Bullshit_! He travelled so much and he found what?! A sad jobless Australian chemist with two missing limbs! Who the fuck would even _try_ to be my soulmate?! Bullshit… shitty bullshit, destiny is bloody wrong. It was wrong before when he did that to her and it is wrong now that he does this to him.   
 As I think that, a hand touches forcefully my shoulder, it's a small hand, soft skin strokes mine. I look at the owner, at Lúcio, he looks concerned. He has got up from his seat to come next to me. Why though? I am only trying to control my bon-… is this a tear? Am I crying?   
  “Hey, Jamie, something's up?”  
No, nothing's up, I have no idea why I'm crying! I can't answer though, my mouth keeps breathing loud sobs. I try to quickly shut down his worries by shaking my head and drying my tears in my shirt, but his expression only seems to grow sadder. It hurts… where is his smile? I can't see it on his lips, I have no light to follow in his eyes… it hurts! I don't want to see him like this! Open your mouth and tell him you're alright, come on! Just say it!  
  “I…” _am fine._ “… I…”  
Why can't I speak?! For the love of God why can't I reassure this precious sunshine in front of me?! Don't look so sad, your smile looks better on you… my eyes feel wet again. Lúcio runs his arms around me, around my neck. He is so… close. He pulls me to lean on his shoulder, his head rubbing mine gently. What is he doing?! This is not what he should be doing. I stop him by removing his arms, as soon as he understands he aplogises. What?! NO! I should be apologising for the terrible sight and treatment I'm giving him. Lúcio is a fantastic fellow, he hasn't let me down once since I met him, always with me wearing a smile, he accepted the soulmate shit so easily, but I don't want him to be stuck with me. I would love to death if he did, I would love it if he would stubbornly hug me again, if he'd say sweet nothings to my ear, if he'd tell me he'll stay with me…  
 I get up from my seat without looking at him, he's probably worried again and I can't stand it. Get me out of here.  
  “Imma go do the shopping, later.”


	6. Chapter 6

 He's stubborn, but so am I. I will not blindly accept this destiny bullshit, for his sake.  
 I slam the shop door open and rush inside, sobbing loudly as I shake Mako's arm to attract his attention. He is doing a morning check by the looks of it, his expression tells me he's already done with my shit.  
  “What is it?”  
  “Destiny is a coward bitch and it's trying to ruin Lúcio's life!”  
He looks at me unimpressed until he sighs and tells me to sit behind the counter to wait until he finishes the inventory. What should I do? He was so close to me, I felt overwhelmed; why would he do that? What kind of twisted mind would suggest you to hug me out of nowhere?! To apologise afterwards?! Wait, am I still in my pajamas? Yes, I am…  
  “So, tell me all about that bitch.” Mako sits in front of me, his eyes plastered on me. Has he noticed I’m still in my pajamas? I hope not. “What happened?”  
I need to sum it up, it would be too hard to explain everything now, my mind is still a mess, I can feel it. What is the major problem? Focus on it, pinpoint it and highlight it. There it is, now try to express it in a way someone outside your head could understand…  
  “He gave me a boner!” He’s not reacting, maybe he hasn’t understood. “Twice!”  
Mako’s expression is just as stoic as ever, his bushy eyebrows barely moving as he answers.  
  “That is your point…” I nod my head yes, I’m focused on his reaction. “Did you think you were straight or something?”  
Ohi what the fuck of an answer is that?  
  “Mate, what the hell are you talking about?! I need advice here!”  
  “I know, I’m just joking.” His deep laughter mocks me, he’s having the time of his life, enjoying my suffering. “From what I can see...”  
No, hold up! I forgot to ask him something beforehand.  
  “Wait, wait! First, answer a question, will ya?”  
He leans back on his chair as I lay on the counter, my face plastered on the cool surface as I try to think about too many things at once. The big guy grabs a sport magazine and nods.  
  “Spit it.”  
  “You and your wife aren't soulmates, right?”  
  “You are right.”  
  “And you're happy, right?”  
  “Those are two questions.” He chuckles at my grunting. “Happiest I could ever be.”  
That's right! You don't _need_ a soulmate, not everyone finds it! Oh, phone's buzzing. It's Lúcio, a text.

-          _You know any radio station or record company around here? I'd like to bring samples. :)_

Samples? He did say he wanted to look for a job, music industry I guess. I still haven't heard anything from him, I'm curious. Also, he sent me a text… that’s the first one.  
  “Who's that?”  
  “Lúcio.”  
I type in my answer. I am not really well-versed on the topic, but I think I can help a bit. There aren't that many companies around, it's mainly family businesses, but if you go to bigger cities you have more chances.

-          _Ahh damn! Guess I'll have to wait then… D:_

Yeah, he really has no way to get around by himself, there's only one train and it stops by… what? Three times a day I think? Sucks to live in such a small town. Second text from him, those emojis are adorable.

-          _You done with the shopping yet?_

Shopping? Did he really believe that shitty excuse?! … now I feel bad about myself. I should just go and do it. I got no money on me, damn! I’ll just tell him I’m not done yet and think something out later. I put my phone back in my pocket and I meet with a friendly old grin.  
  “What?”  
He shrugs as he looks away and flips the page of the magazine by licking his finger. He still needs to give me advice! I need help here! I hope the staring does the trick without me asking for it.    
  “Let me guess, Jamison: you think you’re not good enough, right? That Lúcio is stubborn, so he keeps trying to stick to you, but you… you don’t want him to blindly fall for the soulmate thing, do you?”  
I stare at the floor, I’ve been found out. It’s not that hard for him to read me, really, but it still pisses me off a bit. Still no advice, you fat cunt!  
  “He’s too nice…”  
  “That means he’ll be the one dealing with your shit from now on and not me.” Mako gets up from his chair grabbing me by the head with his huge hand. He lifts me from my seat. “Now go back home and apologise because you ran away again, you brat.”

 He sends me out of his shop with a friendly but violent pat on the back. He’s being so pushy and all for what? _Go home and apologise_?! I am going to do that anyway, this is not helping! Oh well, maybe he’s in a hurry to open the shebang, probably he is. The door is already closed behind me before I can say anything, so I’m left alone on the street. I turn away, sighing loudly. I check the time: it’s almost ten. I should go home, maybe this trip did good and I won’t feel suffocated in my own house anymore.

 When I make my way into the living room, I find the source of all the good and bad sitting on the sofa, he’s wearing headphones, his portable console on his legs and a bunch of papers laying around. He’s humming softly, he hasn’t noticed me yet. Is he working on those samples he messaged me about? I wonder how they sound… I hold my breath to hear his voice, his tone is so relaxing, a sweet bell lulling. The music is blasting in his headphones, I can hear it from afar. How do I get his attention though? He’s so busy writing down notes, messing the equipment, jamming to music… he looks so calm and happy, it’s refreshing, more than usual. I don’t want to stop him. But I have to at some point, I can’t just keep staring like a creep, can I? Also, I must apologise. I take a few steps towards him. His phone is right next to him, he should hear it ring! I proceed to dial his number; I still don’t have a profile picture for him. His screen lights up, he does have a icon for me. When the hell did he take that? I’m happily drinking some boba, talking to someone out of the picture… did he snap it while I wasn’t looking? He notices the ringing, he starts in his seat and quickly removes his headphones to answer. His movements are clumsy and hurried, but he takes a deep breath before answering, his voice as calm and melodious as ever. His overreacting is lovely and it makes me smile like a fucking schoolgirl out of impulse. Is it normal for him? Maybe he doesn’t like talking on the phone… or can I delude myself and think it’s just with me?  
  “Hello?”  
  “Yeah, hello, it’s me.” He immediately notices where my voice actually comes from and turns quickly, finding me right behind him. “I’m home.”  
He ends the call with a chuckle, he puts away his phone.  
  “You didn’t need to call me, you know?” That was the only way I found, really. Thankfully, he’s not mad for the interruption. “Are you feeling any better, Jamie?”  
I nod my head in response. Man, he really sounds troubled. What kind of despicable being am I for making this ray or sunlight worry so much? Soulmate my ass, I’m just a problem, one big problem. I sit down on the other end of the sofa, but he quickly scoots closer, leaning in to look me in the eyes as mine scan the floor.  
  “Sorry, I was just… a bit moody I guess.“  
  “I see you forgot the shopping…”  
  “I didn’t go shopping…” Quit it with the shopping and accept my excuses, you handsome dumb idiot! Man… he does look good with his hair down… _FOCUS_. “I will go this afternoon.”  
The shopping is _not_ the focus, you idiot! What am I even saying… He nods an answer before hesitantly touching my shoulder with a smile. His smile is back, thank God. We should eat out for lunch, it’s not like there’s any food here anyways. Probably a good choice to just hang around at Hana’s. After a couple hours, in which he kept on working on his music and I just laid on the sofa doing nothing like the useless man I am, we sat at the bar on the beach and ordered our food. Hana is taking lunch break so she sits with us.


	7. Chapter 7

 Alright, I’m at the supermarket. I think I’ll have to come here more often, food sure runs short with two people around the house. Chips, milk, cereals, chicken, some pasta, tomato sauce, a couple beers and tea… this should be it right? Maybe I should ask him. I send him a text asking if there’s anything he wants, he answers a couple minutes later.

-          _Not really, I think! Mmm what did u get 4 now?_

I look down at the shopping cart and quickly snap a picture of it, it’s quicker.

-          _We could use some veggies and fruit maybe?_

That green stuff? He likes it… respect, mate, respect. I only like that stuff in my burgers. I'm fine with fruit though, just forgot. Alright, I’ll get him something. .

-          _Thanks, man! Laterz <3_

A heart… now I need help and distraction, I don't think I can handle that. Ehy, these snacks are on sale, I should buy some. Why is my phone buzzing again?! I need to forget something here! Hana is calling me… guess I'll answer.  
  "Hello, bunny."  
  "Don't give me that." She sounds pissed, what did I do?! "Stop looking at the snacks and listen."  
  "How did yo-…"  
  "Take Lúcio out tonight, please."  
WHAT?? Hana you crazy bitch where did you take that idea out from, put it back, it's bad.  
  "Ehm, no, that's a terrible idea." I put those tempting snacks in the cart, there's chocolate in them, they look so yummy. "Also, I did the shopping so that we could eat at home."  
  "Please, I promise you won't regret it!" Her voice is pleading and oh so adorable. I scratch my nape, unsure. "Stop thinking about this like an old fart and enjoy yourself, will you?"  
  "Shouldn't you be working right now?"  
  "Promise you will!"  
I sigh loudly enough for her to hear me clearly, her proud giggle arrives before I can answer.  
  "Fine, I will."  
I can so easily picture her face and expression right now, smiling like the beautiful idiot she is. Her teeth slightly peeking. She ends the call with a chirpy bye and I'm left alone with the shopping again. Who the hell put those snacks in my cart? They look too sweet.

 

  “Just ask him out then!”  
Hana makes it sound SO easy. I'd like to see her in this situation… ask him out where? Lunch? Dinner?  
  “What if he says no?”  
  “Just invite him to a restaurant for dinner.” She shrugs while typing something with her phone, she truly believes this is easy for me. “You live in the same house, I doubt you'd eat in two different rooms anyway.”  
I am confident. I grew to love myself, the way I look, the way I act. Then why? Why can't I bring myself to just go for it as usual? I'm not even sure he likes me anymore. Man, this is hard…  
  “Well, you are right…” We do live together, so we'll have dinner together; why can't it be at a nice restaurant? “I should ask it as a change.”  
My phone rings, the very same ringtone I longed to hear the whole day. I quickly grab it, the surface of the table against my fingers seems colder all of a sudden. Hana gives me a nod and a thumb up. I need to smile up and do it.  
  “Hello?”  
  “Yo, Lúcio, it's me.” Of course it's you, I saw your face popping on the screen. “Where you at?”  
  “I'm...” I notice Hana waving to get my attention, a finger on her lips while pointing at herself. “… just walking around a bit.”  
She gives me a nod, guess she has a reason for that? Now I should go for the offer. I get interrupted mid thoughts.  
  “I called to ask if you…” If I what? If I what?! He hesitates so much, I can’t pressure him though. “I mean, it might sound a bit overboard, I usually don’t do this, but, like, are you up for dinner out tonight maybe?”  
I am about to answer the question quickly with a _sure_ , but then the whole picture hits me. My eyes widen, Hana looks on the edge, her expression stuck in impatience. I try to stay calm. He's asking me out! Jamie is asking me out tonight! Don't leave him hanging!  
  “I…”  
He doesn’t let me speak, words are already coming from the other end of the call. His tone is troubled, a feeling of resignation marking his sentence.  
  “I am terribly sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken at all, see ya at home.”  
  “Wait! Of course, I want to have dinner with you! What time?”  
Good thing I manage to keep the call going, he doesn’t seem to answer at first, but then I hear his voice, as confident as ever.  
  “Let’s meet up at seven by the gate, we’ll go from there!”  
We decide quickly on the details and end the call. I stare at my phone, my body slightly twitching in excitement and a grin plastered on my silly face. Hana laughs cheerfully. She heard everything, she knows what to celebrate. He asked me out! We are going to have dinner together!


	8. Chapter 8

 Are those flowers? Is that a suit? Is that a flustered Jamie I see behind all the green? I walk up to him, a huge smirk on my face. He looks the other way, an adorable pink blush on his cheeks and nose. He hands me the flowers with a whispered _“here”_ and I melt. I love these, they are so pretty! I look up to him, he doesn't look back though, too busy scratching his nape. He looks so damn good in a suit honestly. It's the first time I see him like this and… I take my time to enjoy the view. He notices the stares, regaining a bit of boldness.  
  “Like what you see?”  
He laughs it out, as if he means it as some kind of joke. Of course I like what I see, I am pretty excited right now. Better inform him.  
  “I think you look hot like this, Jamie.”  
The soft pink turns red the instant his eyes meet mine. I catch him in his stuttering, grab him by the neck kiss his cheek by tiptoeing. He smells fresh, his unshaved beard tickles a bit. He did this for me… just for me?   
  “Thanks, mate.” Mimicking my actions, he plasters a smooch on my cheek, leaving me in a blushing mess; that I didn't expect. “Likewise.”  
He's smiling like an idiot, probably laughing at my shocked expression. It's just that he has been so distant lately and now he takes me to dinner, gives me flowers and a kiss?! It's a bit too much to handle in one go. And he's wearing a suit! I should calm down though, I am not a teenage girl. I collect myself with a chuckle and tell Jamie that I'd like to put the flowers in a pot at home before we get going.

We walk side by side, hand-in-hand toward the restaurant. I missed walking like this. Jamie points at a welcoming-looking restaurant a little ahead of us. The atmosphere is light even at this late hour, the white and blue walls shine up for the lightning. It looks like a fish restaurant by the looks of it: pictures of the sea hanging, nets and seashells used as decorations. We claim our reservation, a little table close to a huge window at the sea. We sit down and it's quiet for a while, I have no idea what to talk about, really. He scratches his back and strikes a smile at me.  
  “So, Lúcio, you not looking at the menu?”  
Oh, right. I grab the pamphlet and give it a quick scan: it is a fish restaurant. Anything sounds great right now, I'm starving quite the bit. We order our food and drinks, the waiter comes back shortly with the dishes; in all this time, we still haven't found a topic to discuss. It's weird, I usually feel super comfortable around Jamie, he's so bright and unique I just want to spend all my time with him, but now… he's gloomy. Oh, never mind, he's smiling again.  
  “Sorry about that sulk, I was having a moment.” He reaches for my hand on the table, holds it. “How do you like this town?”  
  “It's a nice place, not gonna lie. It is relaxing to stay in the same spot for more than a couple days. I can actually compose something worth the effort.”  
He nods his head, his hand squeezing mine, I do the same with a smile. His hand is bigger than mine…  
  “You're not getting bored?”  
Bored? With him? With music? Never. I shake my head.  
  “I don't think I can get bored with you here.” I know it's cheesy and the confused embarrassment on his face is just the right reaction to this, but it's true. “You're one of the most interesting person I've meet.”  
  “Is that so?”  
  “Yeah, like, I didn't see you as the type to take me out to dinner, but here we are.” And I'm so happy about this. “You're weird in a good way.”  
He chuckles at that last part.  
  “Well then, didn't think weird was a compliment.”

This is nice, this light chatting is nice. This feeling of wanting to get to know each other, the very same urge I felt on the first day. _Where would you like to travel to now? What would you do there? Would you go alone? Would you take me with you?_ That's cheesy, but I’d do it. _I saw you composing, what was the song like?_ … is it okay to start singing in a restaurant? He likes my voice… _Have you ever had problems while travelling?_ There has been a couple times where they just shipped my luggage on the wrong plane and they were never seen of again, I had to rebuy everything, a real pain. 

We are done eating. Jamie wants to pay, but we quarrel because why would he have to? I have money, not a lot, but I can afford a dinner for two! I stay at his house for free, what else does he want to offer me?! We are standing in front of the waiter, both pouting and slightly annoyed.  
  “I will not let you pay for me.”  
  “Imma do it and you are gonna accept it.” He tries to put his cash in the waiter's hands, I stop him. “Mate.”  
We are putting up a scene, but I don't want to give up.  
  “Please, I can pay.”  
  “I asked you out, so be my guest for fuck's sake.”  
He wraps his arm around my neck, pulling me close to plaster a quick kiss on my forehead. Ohi, don't take advantage of this distraction to-… he pays and drags me out. I run my arm around his waist to walk more comfortably. I don't look at him, I'm kind of pissed to be honest. I'm not spoiled, you know? Jamie notices, he laughs at my expression, pointing it out.  
  “You wouldn't believe how cute your face is right now.” Cute… is this a payback for calling him weird? I give up the frown to give him an entertained smile. “And now you're handsome again.”  
I nod proud, reaching for his face and pulling him down to peck his cheek. Wish I could afford more.  
  “Handsome is better than cute, thanks.”

Close like this, this is what I want. Staring in his eyes as he holds me. Sparkling in amber, lights in the dark night sky. It would be perfect if… fuck it, I'm doing it! Hold up. These are not his lips.  
  “Look at the time, we better head home!”  
He dodged it, I'm… I'm shocked? Yeah, I am! Jamie what the hell?! You crouched a bit to look at your watch and I kissed you nose! Dude! _Not cool!_  
  “Actually I was-”  
  “Come on, let's go.” He takes my hand and starts to drag me around. His movements are hurried, his expression… empty? “We must both be dead tired.”  
Oh, hell no! I will kiss you tonight, and you are going to like it!  
  “Let's not, we are having fun.” I try to smile my way around, squeezing his hand and closing the gap between us. “We are both heading the same way, so we can just take a detour, right?”

 

 Too close, too close! He's doing it again! He's leaning on me, holding my arm in a tight grip. First he tries to kiss me and now this?! I don't think I can handle it. What kind of detour anyway? Can't we just call it a night? … why did I even avoid that kiss? He's tugging on my sleeve, sweet eyes looking back at me. This is so confusing! I want him to kiss me, but…! I can't do this to him, it's for his own sake. I won't let him make the same mistake. 

We walk slowly, he asks me for a walk on the shore, so we do that, my feet barely standing the sand infiltrated in my shoes. Lúcio looks so handsome tonight… more than usual if I dare to say so. He stares up at the sky, his eyes lost in the darkness as they look for stars. It shouldn't be this hard, but I am hindering myself. Jamison, you are but a sad dipstick. I need to explain the situation, why I'm acting like and insensitive cunt. He's beaming a smile at me, his eyes half-closed. I could just grab him and kiss him, really… what stops me? I reach for his face, caressing him as I tilt it up. It's so quiet around us, the moment is lulled by the sound of… waves? Hell no! What the fuck am I doing?! I let go of him.  
  “You had something of your face.”  
  “Is that so…?”  
I sense so much disappointment in his voice, I can't believe he hasn't slapped me yet. Say something to cheer him up.  
  “Yeah, it was a beautiful smile and I wanted to see it better.”  
He smirks with a loud chuckle. Alright, he's happy again. Compliments really do the trick with him, don't they? Time to go home, I don't want to stay on this damn shore one minute more. We are both being so stubborn right now. I mean, I know I am and I can feel it in his actions, but it's not like i gave him any reason to not try. I need to speak with him… now? No, terrible timing and place. I don't want to speak about that stuff here. I need to get home, there maybe we'll get to talk. I need to get away from here. I hurry my steps, my breath runs heavy, a deep burden in my chest starts to press me, I can't do anything. We need to talk, he has to understand.  

 Take a breather, Jamison, don’t stress it out, why are you so anxious? You are at home, safe and sound. Flowers? When did these stupid flowers get here?! Oh, right… these are Lúcio’s. They are really peaceful to look at though, relaxing, I feel better. I just need to sit down and relax, yeah, that will do. I try to make my way to the kitchen, I suddenly feel something cold against my face. My head is soar, my body feels heavy and frozen. Have I fainted? No, I am still conscious, just fell probably, no big deal. Hands help me get up, a worried stare gest avoided. I can’t look at him, I’d break down. I sit on a chair, laying on the table with my arms as stand. I need to talk it out, I can’t keep quiet for longer. I see concern in his eyes, it makes me weak inside.  
  “Sorry about all of this shit, mate.” I whisper under my breath, he still catches it though. “I’m messed up bad, really bad.”  
He steps closer to me, a heartfelt grin on his melancholic face.  
  “I noticed that much, it’s no big deal.”  
No big deal… it is a big deal if he fell for goofy, cheerful me instead. It is a big deal if it’s not what he expected. It is a big deal if he is disappointed. _Disappointed_ … no, I don’t want him to be: I’m doing my best, always! This time doesn’t count… This is not what he deserves. I look at his right hand, unable to change the topic my head is discussing.  
  “I don’t understand how this soulmate thing works… there is no reason for you to stick with me.”  
  “I’m here with you because I came to like you, Jamie.”  
He said it. He likes me. Not this me though, I’m sure. He likes happy me, lovely, caring me. I don’t even like me like this, I hate it. _Hate it!_ What the fuck am I even thinking now?! The person I like just said he likes me back and what do I do?! Turn myself down. How is this logical?! I don’t want him to be tricked by that bitch. I don’t want him to be forced on me. He’s free if he wants, he doesn’t have to stick to his soulmate, we can just be friends, right? That way he could find someone better and I wouldn’t have this sort of problem. Fate, leave us alone for once. Leave me alone.  
  “My mother,” What am I ranting about? “she believed blindly in her soulmate.”  
Lúcio stands quiet next to me. Is he going to listen? I don’t even know where I’m going with this, do I? My mother… she was beautiful, her hair was sunlight. I remember her smile on the beach as us three went for a swim, her nail posh around her glass drink, her hat under the hot rays, her skin reddish for the burn. She was my brightest light, until one day for some reason all I knew about her became useless. Her favourite spot on the shore, her weekly schedule, her recipes for cooking her perfume brand. Everything useless. She died. Dad… eh, I never really met him, I was too young and he was always away for job so I was mostly at home either with mom or with her friends if she was working too.  
  “She found her soulmate and stuck to him instantly. She followed him anywhere he went, they were so happy. They got married in the end, he was my father. She even quit her job to work with him, what a crazy one.” I miss her so much… I almost forgot how it feels to remember such old stuff. Is Lúcio still listening? He is… “One day… she followed her destiny a bit too faithfully.”  
Should I continue? Not that I wanted to start in the first place, but my mouth just decided on its fucking own. What now, genius? Are you going to tell the end or not?  
  “What happened?”  
Now he asked it. Now you have to answer, fantastic. What a beautiful situation to be in.  
  “My father was a captain, they went together for their delayed honeymoon; they couldn’t enjoy it at the right time because I was to be born, so they waited until I was a bit older.” I know he understands where this is going, his eyes are practically screaming his feelings, I don’t like him so sad, but it’s my fault for ranting, I should be quick about this; he’ll smile again soon. “Soulmates until the end. Ship sank, both dead. The end.”  
  “Is this the reason why you are so skeptic about being soulmates?”  
Oh… so that what I was going for! Yeah, that’s right, thank God he’s smart and has picked it up, I couldn’t.  
  “Destiny is a bitch that ruins lives: the one that she points as your perfect lover can lead you to your ruin.”  
My chest is heavy. Am I saying this to him or to myself? I can’t bring myself to doubt him, so these words must be meant for him. His eyes widen, his expression quite angry now; that’s not a smile. Shit, I should stop… immediately.  
  “Are you saying you do not trust me?”  
  “Just saying  _you_ shouldn’t trust  _me_.”  
  “And why is that?”  
  “Mate, you are giving yourself to me from the very first day, I don’t want that! She did that and guess what? She died!” He’s not angry anymore, but my eyes can’t seem to focus on his expression, my vision is blurry. “You are too good to give up everything for me so stop it!”  
He grabs me, I feel something around me. Him? His arms?! He’s hugging me… it feels warm.  
  “I could just take my stuff and leave.” You should. “But what if I want to stay with you?”  
  “ _No one_ would stay with me, you are just accepting the burden of this fucking tattoo.”  
He looks me in the eyes, I still find it difficult to see, my eyelids are heavy and sight is getting darker.  
  “Burden or not, I made my choice and I want you to respect it. Listen up, okay?” His hands reach for my shoulders, giving me a strong shake. “You are an amazing person, I already told you: you are weird. But a weird I came to love. If you need someone to hold you and tell you how fucking awesome you are, I’m here. I’ll gladly smack some good sense into this stupidly and uselessly chaotic mind of yours, anytime. I’ll be here for you, because I want to be here.”  
  “You’re here just because of this!” I grab his wrist, showing him his own right hand. “You’re biased.”  
  “So you think I have _no chance_ of genuinely liking you?! You think I’ll never find anything to love about you _by myself_?”  
  “That’s about right.” My chest hurts, a strong ache is tearing me apart. It’s not his fault though, I am to blame. What I’m saying is… heartless. Why can’t I believe him? “The only reason you kept talking to me was your hand.”  
I am tired of this, all I’m doing is… is _right_. Don’t fall for it! He deserves better than me, there must be some kind of mistake behind this, that’s why he’s here. If I keep talking he’ll understand and he will finally leave! I’ll go back to my normal life, happy to have helped out a lost fellow. I open my mouth to speak, but he stops me in a loud voice.  
  “Destiny. You and I were meant to meet. So what if I’m biased?” He shows me his hand, something burning in his eyes. “Do you understand, that this means that I would fall in love with you no matter what? Do you understand that there is no way you can talk your way out of my heart now?”  
Stubborn. So fucking stubborn! I grind my teeth in irritation.  
  “There might be no happy ever after, even if we are destined! So why don’t you try and look for it with someone better?!” I push him away from me, don’t come any closer. “Just leave this dump of a man that’s me and be happy, will you?!”

There it is. I deserve this.


	9. Chapter 9

 My face hurts, burns, my hand reaches for my cheek as my eyes send a shocked stare at Lúcio. He slapped me, he slapped me good. Hell, it hurts. So he has the guts to smack sense into me… uh…  
  “Shut up.”  Anger, that’s what I feel. I’ve done it, I feel bad. “Now you listen to what I have to say, Jamie.”  
I just nod my head, looking him in the eyes as they slowly soften in a smile; wasn’t he angry a minute ago? Why does he look so sweet now? He’s bright again.  
  “Do you like me?”  
  “Yes.”  
He sighs relieved. There is no doubt that I like him, I can’t lie about that.   
  “This text here, what my hand says, means that I was meant to meet you one day. It’s just an helping hand to find you, nothing big.” His arms reach for me again, around my chest. “You collapsed on the ground, I took you to the hospital, we talked and started a friendship. All of this I would have done with or without knowing you were my soulmate. I would have done it for anyone.”  
Is that so…?  Yeah, that is actually quite a normal thing to do, it doesn’t sound forced. Does he really have no other choice though? Is he stuck with me forever? There must be a way out of this. A pair of hands reaches for my face, I am forced to look him in the eyes, they shine so lovely.  
  “What if I like the choice I have? What if I want to stay with you forever? What if I don’t need to find a way out?”   
What the how does he know what I am thinking?! That’s somewhat creepy but... that’s what I want to hear. What I need to hear.  
  “Mate, imma ask you a question and you gotta be honest, okay?” He nods his head with a smile, he’s so precious. “Why would you stick with me now? Now that I’m pushing you away, this is obviously not what you expected.”  
  “It is not, you’re right.” His arms move around my chest again, his skin feels soft against mine, his breath is steady and quiet. “But that’s also something I like: you’re not granted. I have to work my ass off for you, and you can bet I will.”  
I can’t help but laugh at his words, he really is something. He’s the one who shouldn’t be giving himself for granted…  
  “Really, how is that any good?”  
  “Because it’s a part of you. And with each part of you I meet, I fall more and more in love.” He slowly tightens his grip on my shirt, he keeps me close. “I will not leave you anytime soon, Jamie.”  
  “You're a madman.”  
I have no other answer right now, but I feel heavy, I can’t express anything with my voice, I’m too tense, too stupid and too stubborn to just give in. I know I could just end this right here and now. I want to be with him but… He smiles up at me, his eyes shining their brightest gleam. How is he still here with me? Why?  
  “Wish I could be an happy one at least.”  
 _Happy_? I don’t want him to be sad. What would make him happy? I know what to do but… do I have the balls to do it? I sigh loud: man up, Jamison. He tilts his head worried by my silence, but his expression suddenly grows tender as I wrap my arms around him, touching his soft hair and holding him close to my chest. He embraces me, tighter, he’s warm… I want to… he does it. He kisses me. It blows my mind. His lips so soft on my dry ones, they’re just like I expected them to be. I can’t help myself, I kiss him back. I have to lean in for him to reach my neck, to let his arms run around it; he’s so short, or am I too tall? No, it’s perfect like this. I have to take a breath, he just keeps smooching my face, it tickles. I give in, he wins: I’m his.  
  “Thank you, Jamie.”  
Excuse me?  
  “No. Thank  _you_.” Our foreheads touch, he looks me in the eyes and smiles faintly, I put an arm around his waist, with the other one I try to untie his hair, just to make it easier for me to run my fingers through it. “Thank you for still being here… thank you for being my soulmate.”  
This is what I wanted to tell him. He has to understand how crazily lucky I am for having him with me. How fucked up he is for accepting me. He has done it, no turn backs now, he won and he’ll get the prize. I’ll do my best to not disappoint him too much though, I don’t want to.  
  “Anytime, man, anytime.”  
I kiss him, unable to keep looking at his handsome face without doing anything. When he responds I feel a different drive leading his actions, he's more forceful, more passionate: I love it. I love him so much.

 It’s so good. So fucking good. His soft lips open for me, I take control, I feel warm inside. He's gasping for air, his chest close to mine, I feel his heavy breathing. I pull him up, he laces his legs around my waist, his hands holding gently my face, stroking it. His skin is soft, I like his scent. We are finally eye-to-eye, he is so handsome… I look for his neck to kiss it, bite it; he moans under his breath, a glorious sound that should be louder. I want to hear him squeal. I sit him on the counter, keeping him busy with kisses while I try to make room behind him, I don't want any stupid object in the way as I force him down, pin him. I've wanted to do this for a while: kiss the shit out of him until he begs me to stop for air. He doesn't though, he pulls me closer, with each gasp his hips twitch under mine, he quietly whispers my name. Do it. Say it again. More. Yes! Louder! His body is a sweaty mess just like mine, closer, I want him even closer. His back is arching a bit, his legs now hold me in position over him, I take his arms, forcing them away from my neck and on the counter, my fingers find the gaps between his. The look on his face is beautiful and it's mine alone to see, it gets to me fast. Why can't I pull him closer? This is not enough. His shirt is in the way, get it off quickly, let him throw away mine and pin him back down. Better. He's responding, he kisses me, his legs tightening their grip around me. It's getting unbearable down there, he moans again, louder this time. I want to do so many things to him, to see him react, hear him at that time as he screams my name. I stop for a short while, I want to tell him something but I hesitate. His eyes are begging me to continue, I put my forehead on his. He speaks instead.  
  “You are so handsome, Jamie.”  
His voice is husky, a whisper under my skin. He's panting, I needed him like this.  
  “You have no idea how hot you look right now.”  
He chokes a chuckle when I move back to his neck. His finger run through my hair, a gentle gesture that only turns me harder. Harder… he's pushing our hips together, no wonder it's getting tighter down there. Fuck he has such a nice scent. His hands stroking me, I can't stop kissing his neck, no matter how much I try to go back to his lips or to move lower. He's giving me more space to kiss and suck… suck… yes. Should I? I mean, we are practically doing it, so it's only natural to go for it. Finally I manage to give up on his fucking neck, I distance myself a bit to take a breather, my eyes scanning his body… he's fit, his dark skin pleases my eyes. I help him sit back up, he looks confused and slightly disappointed. I put his arms around my neck to keep him close for the time being. He tilts his head, telling me with an airy smooch to go back to his lips. I give him a quick peck before moving on with my slightly different project. I grab his belt, the sweet stare he is giving me turns into something else, needy, lustful. Perfect.  
   “At least let me get you out of these, mate, be patient.”  
   “Oh, shut up and move it.”  
I laugh at his frustrated answer, hiding my embarrassed face in his chest. I am still trying to undo his belt, what the fuck is this belt?! He moves closer, he kisses my cheek, my ear, he bites on it. His whispering is so sexy, just like everything about him currently. He's mine. Mine alone. His hands move to my pants, he's faster, I'm in my underpants, he's already doing working. Fuck it's good, so good. He's kissing me again, his lips moving slowly on mine it's so addictive. But those full lips… oh, I so want them somewhere else. I am trying to concentrate here but hell he's giving me an hard time, so hard, really hard and somewhat wet. Piece of shit, I am…  
  “Lúcio, I was going for-…” I have to stop, a moan escapes my lips, he chuckles entertained close to my ear… bastard. “… I was going for something.”  
  “Me too, and unlike you I know how to undo a belt.” Cocky son of a… _fuck!_ His hand is on my skin now. “Hurry up, don't make me do it myself.”  
I pull away his sneaky hand: that’s getting too close to let me clearly think about what I have to do. With a relived sigh I finally hear a click, his belt comes undone, his pants hit the floor.  
  “There you go, see? I can do it.” I try to tease him, but I obtain husky moans that really get to me as I make my way down his body. “You just needed to be patient.”  
I am the one to speak; I was about to come in his hand a few moments ago… his legs find my waist, his lips mine, his hand my head to dive in deeper with his tongue. I don't want anything else right now.

 What happens next I'll always remember; his voice changing constantly between pleasure and fun, his mouth going from moaning to smiling in an instant, his eyes shut but always ready to meet mine when I look for them… he gives me so much life. _I love him so much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all you'll ever get from me lol


	10. Chapter 10 [End]

 Opening my eyes to find I've been sleeping next to Jamie is one of the best feelings in the world. I've already stolen a glimpse of his most relaxed expression, but now I have no fear of waking him up, I can snuggle him and touch him non-stop; and not only because he's a dead rock while asleep. I stroke his chest with my hand as I rest my head on his shoulder. What happened last night was so right, everything we said, did… I smile proud of my actions as I squeeze the body of the one I am so happy to finally call my boyfriend. Wake up, wake up! I want to kiss you good morning! Come on, Jamie… He moves in his sleep, a yawn escaping his lips. Lips, lips, lips, must kiss them awake. I pull myself up and position on top of him, stroking his face as I whisper in his ear.  
   “Jamie,” He grumbles angrily, turning to face the pillow and pushing me off my seat. “come on, man…”  
I climb back up, my hands now massaging his board shoulders and his back. I notice he has scratch marks that weren’t here yesterday… oopsie, these are definitely my fault. I finally hear an answer, a loud beautiful moan of pleasure, his hand grasping on the bed sheet. I lean closer to speak right to his ear.  
   “Good morning, Jamie.”  
He lifts his hand to tell me to give him a moment. I chuckle, kissing the nape of his neck.  
  “Lemme tell you one thing, your hands are a gift to humanity, mate.” As I move to the lower part of his back, he gasps for air. “This is fucking great…”  
I recognise his tone from last night, I know I am truly doing a great job. How I enjoy each small squeal I cause. I step off, I let him turn face-up before lying on top of him yet again. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Jamie wraps his arm around me.  
  “Pretend I'm stroking your cheek, ‘kay?”  
He winks at me with a grin and I only smile at his self-humor. I give him a tender kiss then another deeper one, his mouth parts following my lead. 

 Twenty minutes? Thirty? More? I don't know how much time we spent cuddling this morning, but it was the right amount, a beautiful start to an hopefully beautiful day. I am waiting for Jamie to come out of the bathroom so we can hit the town, meanwhile I mess around with my phone, checking for any message or missed calls. It's mainly texts from my family and friends back home asking how it's going with Jamie, they are so curious damn. My mind remembers the phone call of some days ago: my mother asked all sort of information about him: _is he handsome? Is he tall? He's Australian so he must be blond, right_? She loves natural light hair, you don't see it often around in Rio, unless they're tourists. My father questioned about his financial state, his family, what football team he cheered for, serious stuff. And then there were my brothers and my closest friends: _so they are a guy, uh? We knew you were fucking gay._ They mocked me for minutes, asking all personal questions I couldn't have answered in front of Jamie, no matter if he didn't speak Portuguese. That was just straight out embarrassing, but that's what friends are for. The last question they asked got to me, making it impossible for me to not smile. _Are you happy right now?_ Yes I am. _Don't let him go then, and send us a picture asap.  
_  I still haven't sent the picture… but I have a different plan, I should talk to Jamie about it though.

As we sit down at the counter, I take the chance to bring up the topic.  
  “Jamie, what would you say if…”  
  “Well, well, little Jamie finally became an adult!”  
Hana pinches Jamison on the cheek like a granny would. She mocks him, a smug grin on her face. He must have told her what happened last night while I was lost in my thoughts; it doesn't bother me the slightest, she's been a great wingman, it's only natural to inform her. Jamie is blushing a deep tint of red, but he choughs it out to answer with the very same tone.  
  “Sounds about right, how is that _hello_ going for you?”

Driving each other up the wall like that, I think I've never actually seen them having a friendly conversation without arguing, it's funny. Hana pats aggressively Jamie on the head, messing with his hair, then she turns to me. She gives me a thumb up with a wink, I wink back. She really did help, too bad I don't know how to give her an appropriate payback. Jamie runs an arm around my neck, holding me close to him while we are sitting; feels good, man. He whispers to my ear… I nod an answer with a smirk to his proposal. Let's see what happens.  
  “Lúcio, you are the hottest bloke I've ever met.”  
He snuggles against my head, I purr closer to him smiling happily.  
  “You're pretty handsome yourself, Jamie.”  
A touched _awww_ escapes Hana's lips as her eyes fill in sweetness. She was about to go back to work with a grin, but our interaction halts her.   
  “But you look even better when you’re panting beneath me.”   
His voice is husky, warm and close to my ear, he bites on it; this can easily turn me on, right here, right now. But that’s not what we are going for!  
  “You haven’t seen how good you look when you beg me.”  
  “ _Oh my God,_ I can’t believe you are actually saying that here!” Hana’s expression’s a mixture between disgust and excitement, one word: amazing. “Keep it in your pants, you two!”  
Both Jamie and I blow up laughing at her, a small tear escaping my eyes as I lay on the counter for support.  
  “Hana, you should see your face!”  
  “I don’t want to hear anything from you two anymore, omg!” She waves her arms in the air as she leaves. “I’m going back to Korea tomorrow, goodbye!”

About that topic! I have to talk to Jamie. We order something to drink, a cold tea and a coffee after apologising to poor Hana, we have to pay full price this time, we deserve it. We are finally alone at the counter.  
  “Jamie,” He lifts his gaze to me, his hand reaching from mine and squeezing it. “what would you say if I asked you to go back to Rio with me?”   
His eyes widen quickly, it must be a pretty surprising question to pull out of the blue.  
  “I’d say yes, obviously.”  
 _Obviously_ … it’s not obvious at all, that’s sweet of him though. I don’t think he’s that excited about leaving his country, especially to meet my family, but his smile is still precious.  
  “I’d like you to meet my family, I know it’s not that exciting but…”  
He stops me with a shush.  
  “Ehy now, I want to meet your family, mate. It’s only fair for me since you already know mine.”   
His family… when? It would be really rude of me to just ask though, inconsiderate, I can’t do it.  “Well, my family by choice, that is.”  
Oh, I see how it is!  
  “Are Mako and Hana in there too?”  
He grins happily, I got it right. When you are alone like him… your friends do become your family.  
  “They are cool blokes, gotta love them all.”  
He takes it so casually, I admire his strength; I don’t know what I would do if my family just disappeared, they mean the world to me. He too means the world now though, I’m here for him too… I want to be part of his _family by choice_. Maybe it’s a bit early to ask for it, I should keep this for myself for the time being, might sound pushy, I should change topic, or at least return on the first one.   
  “So you’re up for the trip?”  
He stops for a minute, his lips sealed in silence, I know I shouldn’t rush him, but I really want an answer. He takes a sip of his tea. And raises an eyebrow, his eyes looking far beyond my shoulders, it’s almost distracting. In a blink they turn back to me, I welcome him back with a smile.   
  “Just tell me when, mate.”  
He leans in, an arm around my neck as he gives me a deep sweet kiss. I close my eyes with a smile.

 

  “Well,” I hold on to his hand, a laugh escaping my mouth. “guess you are stuck with me now.”  
He chuckles and grins mockingly as he walks out the bar and closes the door behind him.  
  “Who said  _I_ was the one stuck?”  
  “You could never be a burden, shut your mouth.”  
I kiss his lips as his arm reaches for my neck. I can’t help it, now that I can I just want to smooch him to death. What even makes this amazing bloke my soulmate? What makes me his? Destiny is weird, let me tell you: he gets two of the most stubborn people around and smacks them together until it works out. Probably it's having fun that little bitch. It doesn't matter though, I will try my best from today on, if we both truly want this, there's no reason to not do it. I doesn't have to end that way, that was not our destiny.  
  “Oh shit, mate, we are both jobless.”  
Lúcio expression blanks, his smile stuck. He soon laughs it off though, the brightest expression I've seen on him in a while; it melts me. He starts to blithely walk away, where are you going that’s too far…  
  “First step is a positive mental attitude.”  
  “I think we have enough of that, captain optimism.”  
  “That's the spirit!”  
I embrace him from behind tightly, my arms around his waist as my face sinks in his hair. What a nice scent. I pull out my phone, opening the camera.  
  “Smile, Sunshine.”  
What I see on the screen makes me warm inside, I don't think I'll get used to that genuine grin of his anytime soon: it's too great. He quickly frees himself from my grip, runs an arm around my neck and kisses me. The camera snaps my new home screen.


	11. Bonus Chapter 1

  "How do I look?"  
Welp… what can I ever answer to that?  
  "You're hot, Lú."  
It really is the only thing I'd answer. It does suit him, the elegant attire, the plain white only stained by the green tie. He fixes his sleeves and wrists, sighing a bit disappointed.  
  "Whaddup?"  
Ignored. He strikes poses in front of the mirror, checking each fold of the suit as if they were the most important issue in the world. He unbottons the jacket, revealing a vest, the same colour of the tie; I didn't expect it, thought he was going all white. I get up from the comfy sofa and stand behind him, he looks at my reflection in the mirror and pouts. I try to steal a smile from him by hugging him, purring close to his ear, he doesn't though and instead crosses his arms and turns away. Man, what troubles my sweet frog so much? I unleash my puppy eyes to get my answer.  
  "Mate, why the long face? You look stunning!"  
He finally gives up, his voice slightly annoyed.  
  "Are you really going to wear denim, Jamie?"  
  "You can bet your ass I will."  
  "What the hell man?! This is the most important day of your life!"  
  "Yeah, and I want to remember how comfortable it felt."  
He turns around, his face cutely angry at me. I kiss his forehead and pat him with a cheerful smile. Man he sure looks good in these clothes though, makes me want to do things… Lúcio has a different plan though: his hand on my face, pushing me away from his neck, makes his statement obvious.  
  "Don't you dare wrinkle my suit." He'd look so much better without it, what a bummer he is. "I only wish you would look elegant at your wedding. I usually love you being original but…"  
  "My wedding, my rules." I lift a finger to the air, my voice as energetic and imposing as it can get. "Rule one, the groom gets to wear denim."  
  "I will not approve of such a rule."  
  "Rule number dois, the bride shall be naked."  
I start to fumble with the bottons of his vest, he smacks away my hands, fixing himself back up quickly.  
  " _OUR_ wedding, _OUR_ rules, Jamie."  
His finger is pointed at my face, his expression unmoved. Little bastard, I want to see him smile so much. I hug him again, crouch down to hide my face in his neck as I speak. I sway him around a bit.  
  "Fine already, no denim, now stop pouting and kiss me." I lean in for him to smooch me, but he only answers with a loud _hmmmm_. "What now?"  
  "You know, there is also another thing…"  
  "The slipper stays."  
**"The slipper fucking leaves."**


	12. Bonus Chapter 2

Living together as a married couple feels great. The feeling of having someone waiting just for you at home is worth everything. Someone who honestly cares for you and loves you with each breath they take. When I get back home I can't wait to return in his arms, to tell him everything. Even after years the excitement is the same, I love it.  
As we are relaxing on the sofa, watching some tv, I remember that tomorrow is my birthday. I look up at Jamie, at his exhausted expression as he yawns at the screen: I wonder if he remembers. Wait, is he bored for the tv?  
  "You getting bored?"  
He shakes his head, waking himself up a bit in the process.  
  "Nah, I like documentaries about… frogs." His expression tells so many truths he's trying to hide. "It's… interesting."  
I laugh at that distressed lie. I know he doesn't like them but it's my turn on the remote. I have the power tonight.  
  "Want me to switch channels?"  
  "If you coul-…"  
  "Because I'm not going to."  
I kiss his nose and lay back on his chest, turning up the volume. He sighs and leans on my head; I give him ten minutes before he falls asleep. I wonder if he got me a present… last year he got me tickets for that concert, but the acoustics was _SO BAD_ in that place we got home with a massive headache, no party during nor after that concert. I still appreciated his gift though, it was not his fault it was managed by a bunch of idiots.

Something wakes me up, Jamie is getting up from the bed, quietly, not making any sound. He remembers. I smile hidden by the pillow and stay still. Really, though, too bad for him I wake up like nothing. A loud song, aggressive buzzing… this is… something. Jamie screams under his breath some profanities and then quickly leaves the room. Does he really think I'd still be sleeping after THAT? Let's let him go though, I can sleep a few hours more today, it's my day after all.

He brings me breakfast in bed, he kisses me good morning, wishes me an happy birthday and just drowns me in cuddles. So far so good. The pancakes taste great, the coffee is not burnt for once. Nice. He hands me what I suppose is my present. Before opening it, I thank him, but he quickly shushes me.  
  “Come on, open it!”  
He’s so pushy, but his curious expression is too adorable to hate on his attitude. I smile happily, it must be something good if he wants to see my reaction so ba-…  
  “Fuck you, Jamison.”  
He bursts into a loud heartfelt laughter, holding his belly as he falls to the floor.  
He got me a stool. _A STOOL_. And there’s my name and an hand-made inscription: _“Use me when you are too short for the things on the shelves.”_  
  “I thought it would have been a considerate gift!”  
  “You are a fucking idiot.” I put down the stool with an angry sulk before grabbing Jamie by the collar of his t-shirt and pulling him into me. “But thanks, I did need it.”  
He smirks with a wink, he thinks he’s safe, he thinks I’m going to kiss him... not yet.  
  “Auch! That’s a bit excessive, babe!”  
Slapping him every now and then only does him good, my hand feels satisfied.  
Now I kiss him, slowly as my arms reach for his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're at the end, thanks for reading <3  
> Find me on tumblr at hikarain for my art if you are bored :)


End file.
